Suffering is a choice

When feeling the waves of suffering flipping you under the surface of reality over and over again, it can be quite brutal. You don't really hear or see anyone. You just hear, see, and feel your pain tumbling at the tip of your throat, pulling down at your feet, and resting dreadfully still inside your chest. We fight the feelings and fight it more, losing ourselves to the darkness underneath the waves the more we try to take a breath, make it out (emotionally) alive. The worst part of suffering, is when no one sees you fighting for your vulnerable and aching spirit. Fighting for the person you know and love most.

Let's take a quick step back here. You must be thinking, but LIFE happens and we can't control the pain that comes our way. This is true. We don't choose pain. But we do choose suffering. And here is why. We suffer when we don't know how to accept, understand, or transform the pain. We play it over and over in our minds. We feel it over and over in our hearts. Where did I go wrong? What could I have possibly done to deserve this? Why is this happening to me? When we are not equipped with the readiness or the awareness to receive these painful lessons, we project our pain out into the world so that someone else can help us figure out the answers and actions we can't see when going through it.

Circling back to the struggle of receiving a little compassion during suffering; We have an ability, dare I say tendency, to suffer until our suffering is acknowledged. This means, we are willing to remain suffering to prove we are suffering when we don't receive the support we truly need. Sometimes we don't need advice. Sometimes, the only life vest we need is judgement free listening and heartfelt presence. We just need to know someone sees us suffering, and won't let anything happen to us. It's not always saving we need. But the gentle reminder that we can save ourselves.

The suffering begins to settle when we've either been thrown an opportunity for real connection, or grown tired of fighting. We realize that dwelling has led us nowhere and helped no one, not even ourselves. So we decide not to fight any longer, not to cry for help. We decide to wipe our tears and face our fears. We decide to stand up in the waves that have not changed, and walk out of the helpless mindset. This is where suffering ends, and you begin. This is where you make it out of your pain with a stronger, bigger, and humbler character. You are never the same after you've suffered. You are sculpted into the next version of you. A version you will time and time again, come to respect and love.

My advice? Feel the pain. But don't stay there. Let it move you, change you, and help you BLOOM.